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Case 3: Unblocking Writer’s Block

The following are my fanfictions.

Parent Trap

And The Darkness Fled

Original Fictions will be placed here as a password protected page.

secret 5

I get too carried away by my imagination…

Sometimes, I look for a goal that would make my life more enjoyable and to prepare me for the many responsibilities I will expect in the near future.
Sometimes, my imagination gets in the way of my rational thinking and I’ll end up planning events and projects without the possibility of an outside restraint.
When time comes that I have to do my plans, I wake up (like it was all a dream) and realize that I’m doing nonsense.

I’m thinking this is just a phase I have to go through. I must not give up the plans I have spent days to think of. God is giving me strength to continue… I must not give up.

I must also not let my imagination get the best of me. More actions… Less day dreaming.

Case 2: My Computer

So I had lots to install in my PC because it’s newly reformatted ad I want to enjoy the summer.

Currently, I had the following installed:

• e-novative WAMP 2.1.1
• 5.0M SD DSC
• Adobe Acrobat 5.0
• Adobe Flash Player Plugin
• Adobe Photoshop CS2
• Apache HTTP Server 1.3.33
• Avira Antivir PersonalEdition Classic
• Bj Printer
• CodeBlocks
• FLV Player
• FLV Player 2.0, build 23
• Free FLV Converter V 1.7
• Jasc Animation Shop 3
• Java DB 10.3.1.4
• Java(TM) 6 Update 5
• Java(TM) SE Development Kit 6 Update 5
• JCreator LE 4.50
• Microsoft Office Proffesional Edition 2005
• Mozilla Firefox (2.0.0.1)
• MySQL Server 4.1
• Notepad++
• PHP 5.2.5
• Smart Link 56K Voice Modem
• Ulead COOL 360 1.0
• Ulead Photo Explorer 7.0 SE
• WinRAR archiver
• Digital Video
• Moyea FLV Downloader version 1.13.0.10
• Presto! VideoWorks6
• XVID Codec Installation
• Yahoo! Install Manager

Yup, yup. We run on Dial-Up. And I’ll add that it’s very very slow at times. I find it sad that I can’t install Dance Battle Audition and Ragnarok Online because our computer is too slow to support online RPG’s that requires a load full. *Sigh*
I’m still looking for the latest version of Macromedia Flash Maker. I was going to get BloodShed for C++/C Programs but I can’t get it to work so I converted to Code::Blocks. I could now work on my C programs. yippee~! All I got to do is to review on my syntax and I’ll be a C programmer once again. (I’ve been indulging myself too much in Java that I forgot my C).
Macromedia Flash Maker is hard to find… Oh well, wish me luck and bless me GOD.

secret 4

I am in love…

… And it is with a man who can never love me back. I remember our Philosophy teacher lecturing us about love and it being a decision not based entirely on feelings but also of reason. According to my reason, he does not have the proper qualities to support me or even himself. And also, according to reason,we can never share the same feelings. He does not feel the same way I feel toward him.
I want to tell him but it is not of my nature to do such things… nor is it his nature to stay comfortable after a rejected confession. I am also certain that if information leaks (especially outside the circle of friends I hold dear and trustworthy), our relationship (or what will left of it) will disappear. I do not want that to happen… if only points of view do not change.

Alas, he can/will never know… maybe it is not God’s will for him to know. But I will still wait for the future is infinite and God’s will is yet to reveal.

secret 3

I run from money-related responsibilities forced upon me…

That goes for being a treasurer and anything similar to me holding money that does not belong to me and will never belong to me. I don’t understand why people make me the treasurer! Like the last English play, I was money collector and it turned out there were debts that had to be paid yet there were no more people to collect the money from. I wanted to run away and hide… I want to avoid and ignore the continuous text messages concerning the 1k+ that needed to be paid (and they refuse to accept the reason that no one could pay for it and that I couldn’t pay for it). Our director even hid from it. Why can’t I?
Hmm.. I shouldn’t have agreed in the first place. Oh wait, I shouldn’t have listened to our director about the list of materials needed to be bought only to find out that they were all for naught. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to budget money.. But given the responsibility to collect money (especially when I don’t have the skill of force) is hard. Why can’t people accept the limit of a person?

Human Beings are not powerful entities… well, not so much. Humans are given limits and they can only play a specific role one at a time. When humans are given the chance to become leaders, they forget their limits and start pushing towards that end of the tunnel that they claim they call ’success’. They even force other humans to become leaders, forgetting that they have limits too – limits that can’t be pushed to the edge.
I say we will not forget our limits. There exists a thin line between sanity and insanity. Just one push, and I could be on the other side. And returning to where I cam from is something no one can do easily… ask the patients in the psychiatric wards. They know what I’m talking about.

Case 1: Profile

I am a Deviant .

I am an Otaku and a Collector .

I am a CS Atenean .

I am a Zabyerian.

I am a Writer and a Fan .

I am a Friend .

I am a Wish lister.

I am a Reader.

I am a Stumbler.

I am an Uploader.

I am the author .

secret 2

I am organizing my mind…

Today I have been cleaning up my room a bit and begin to dig up old skeletons. A lot of old stuff have been found. Most stuff are reminders of my pent-up imagination, feelings and broken promises. A few of them make me sad and regretful. They make me think of “What have I become?” and “Was this me?”. It isn’t a pretty thought, I tell you yet I feel like I deserve it. I deserve every painful consequences because I made them appear.
Very sad indeed…

Back to the topic, I’m reopening myself to the ‘art world’. I’m making projects – ones that keep me occupied and at the same time stress-free.
There’s this one project I’m very excited about. This project (named as SLNsky for now) will be revealed at the end of my last final exam to take. Drafts (pictures, not words) and characters will be posted everywhere – anywhere – despite the unsafeness the www emits.
Another thing I need to do is update stories and post drawings (especially the ones that are untimely due). I’ll be also practicing to the fullest my potential as a student of the course I have chosen. I just hope I’ll still pass despite my fear…

secret 1

I am afraid of failing… of loosing the reason to continue this…

Finals are almost over. Vacation is at hand’s reach. My future being good and peaceful becomes vague. I might fail in my subject, one or two. If that happens, I’ll loose my scholarship and all chance of returning to school and continuing the course I fought for with bluish bruises and anguish tears. I cannot simply put this away and have friends tell me that it will be okay. It won’t be. I cannot also keep this locked up inside and pretend its not remotely possible because it is and pretending would make reality collide with me harshly rather than bump into me gently.
Whatever the result turns out, I pray that I will still have the chance… that GOD won’t leave me and that my attempts aren’t in vain.

Honestly, I think I deserved it. I can pass the difficult subjects if I have only study harder. Too bad, everything is almost too late. I can only pray that it won’t be.