Hiding what I can

June 30, 2008

secret 14

Filed under: my Secrets — Tags: , , — kagenohikari @ 2:01 am

I am afraid to feel permanently attached to anyone that is not already Blood Related or GOD…

In other words, I’m afraid to feel genuine love. Yes, I love my friends but that doesn’t mean that I can’t leave them when the time comes. It is only GOD that I will not leave when the time comes. I think I want to be a passerby in everyone’s lives since they are just passer-by’s in my life. That’s probably the reason why I got rattled and hoped for something so fake and beautiful. At least for others, it’s beautiful. For me, it’s a hideous sight. How can anything except GOD’s love for us be something beautiful? Do I believe my parents love each other? I believe that GOD meant them to last forever. Do I love my sister? Of course. She’s my sister… and the same thing applies to my relatives. I can’t leave them harmed. But if it’s between GOD and human, I’d go for GOD because GOD won’t hurt me. If I feel hurt, it’s only because he loves me and he wants me to learn.

Now, HUMAN LOVE. When a human loves a another human. Even if a man came up to me and said “GOD meant for us to be together.” I would reply “Are you GOD? How can you be so sure? You’re only human.”
Alright, Alright. Not even I can hear GOD as clear as Jesus hears Him… or Moses or David… That’s why I’m asking for a white crow + you’re still you tomorrow. It is proof that love from someone completely human exists and can be trusted. Now I’m afraid to sleep. T______T

Tomorrow is Lei’s birthday.

Tomorrow is when I’ll know if GOD wants me to be loved by humans as much as He loved me.

Tomorrow is the end of me saying “I love you”.

I cry when I feel something close to real. I know what I’m feeling is very shallow yet I care for those who can’t care for themselves. I pray I could be like that fictional person in V for Vendetta. The one who wrote the note and left it in the prison where she was in. I pray I could say “I love you” for real. Real as in “In words and in deeds”.

Lord, May I Love You.


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