Hiding what I can

December 31, 2008

secret 20

Filed under: my Secrets — Tags: , , , , , , — kagenohikari @ 2:02 am

… a bad year is going to end and I’m trying to reflect and start anew…

This will be another long blog but that’s only because the year’s ending and I might want to summarize my whim so far.

Of Talent

I am going back to the drawing board. Reasons include envy, depression and pride. Okay, those are not pretty good reasons to return to art but that’s how my mind’s at right now. Honestly, I am semi-stalking a talented CDO-native artist right now and I can’t help it. To those who know this person, don’t say. Then why am I openly discussing it?? Because saying what’s on my mind on paper or blogs makes me forget things. Kinda ironic since people usually write notes to remember, not to forget.

Right now I AM SERIOUSLY MISSING APATHETIC. Reasons are solely based on art-mentoring or whatever that’s called. I’m stuck at a small roadblock but I’m making it a big deal because no art-prof-wanna-be is helping me out… No, I do not know other art-prof-wanna-be who goes online at the same time as me which from 11 pm to dawn. No, I do not have the money or other resources to meet with other art-prof-wanna-be outside the cyber world. If one knows, PM me through here or my DA’s or my CDOtaku account or my YM if you happen to know which account I frequently use.

Speaking of DA, I made a second account because I want to start fresh. It will be a sort of dumpster for stories I have in mind. The first story I will post there will be the majority of the survey’s result. I am referring to the survey I conducted during YM with people who were online at the same as I. You’ll all find out the results soon since Chapter 1 will be finished by next week. It’s not a long chapter and I guarantee boredom.


It’s December 30, Philippines Time. This year will end after one day so I better summarize it up. Honestly, it’s been three things.

1) Unexpectedly Expected

Contradiction, I know. But only because what I’ve been expecting to happen in the past happened only now. I won’t elaborate because I don’t want to forget.

There was also the two annual dates that I’m glad pushed through despite the problems looming around. The first date was “Sisters’ Day”. We had money problems and we overspend our budget and now I AM BROKE. P4000 GONE IN LESS THAN A MONTH. *cries loudly* But I did not regret eating sushi and maki at Rai Rai Ken but I do regret eating the weird sushi in the sushi special.

The second date was with Risen8, my barkada. We went out of our usual beach tripping by going to Eco Village first. Boy, the hanging bridge was fun, especially when Reika was acting like a coward. No offense, Reika. XINJI!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR SISTER! I’m just sad that amYu wasn’t able to come. T^T She was working as gift wrapper in SM (she’s a scholar under their program) so she couldn’t make it… and I missed her greatly, too.

And also, XU Days was a great annual welcome too. I always anticipate the drawing contest. Our first cosplay was a blast! What’s new is with Natasha Scholars and our mini-outreach program. Ate Kaycee gave us delicious torta~

Overall, we had fun. Of course, being with family and friends is pure unadultered FUN. And that’s coming from a gal with different familes – online and otherwise.

2) Teary Crap

I have been crying like everyday for 2 months during this year. DAMNIT I EVEN SAID TO MYSELF THAT I WON’T CRY DURING A SCHOOL TERM BUT I DID!

Advice to everyone: Think twice before crying for Love because, really, if it was Love, you wouldn’t be crying.

I suddenly remember a high-school pagaent I attended to (my sister’s, not mine). One of the contestants were asked about love (the question is a bit vague in my memory) and the answer went something like this: “Love knows no wrong. If you’re really in love, then you know what you’re doing is right” (not the exact words but the meaning’s there).

3) Despairingly Hopeful

Another contradiction. This was meant to describe my academic standing. Last semester, I was almost falling rock bottom. I could not enjoy semestral break because I know I did little to retain my scholarship status but by GOD’s grace and mercy, I managed to maintain it and I’m still here in my 6th semester. I maintain it by a hair’s breath… or whatever is the proper figurative language for it.

I can also use this to describe my social status. But I’m not saying anything since someone will complain and go “stop hiding, show your true self and talk to me directly” blah blah shit and crap.

As the year ends, I pray I understood my lessons (especially in ICS 34 and 35), sharpened my programming skills (JSP, anyone?), redeemed my talent (criticize me, PAY ATTENTION TO ME), and changed for the better (yeah, I should stop promoting yaoi and hurting potential suitors).


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